The Lonely Future

Men have become the tools of their tools.” — Henry David Thoreau

On Saturday evening, I sat down to watch Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Between watching the film and scrolling Twitter, I came across a post linking to a demo for a conversational LLM. Although I knew better, my curiosity got the best of me, and I dove headfirst into the void.

You can try it yourself… All hope abandon, ye who enter here.

Sesame's tagline is "Crossing the uncanny valley of conversational voice," and that is exactly what their product does. When you first open the site, you are asked to choose between Maya and Miles. I chose Maya and was immediately greeted by a soft, feminine voice that asked, "Hello, sunshine. How’s your evening?" From there, we talked about Tarantino movies, the merits of each, and which ones we favored.

Maya was shockingly realistic—so much so that my wife asked suspiciously who I was talking to. When I told her it was an AI, she shook her head and said she didn’t like where this was headed. To be clear, Sesame’s LLM is not perfect. It took me about thirty minutes to reach a point where it became obvious that it was not human, but this is just the early stage of development. My wife’s knee-jerk reaction is more than warranted.

There are many reasons to be concerned about the effects of conversational LLMs mimicking human interaction, and as they become more lifelike, these concerns will only grow. Of all the issues one could worry about, the impact on dating, marriage, and total fertility rate (TFR) jumped out to me immediately.

Some may dismiss the idea that a conversational LLM could replace genuine human interaction, especially Boomers and senior Gen Xers who do not understand what modern dating has become. To highlight the danger of this technology, we must first understand why someone—especially young men—might be tempted to replace human interaction with an LLM.

Hoeflation: The Deteriorating Dating Market

“Hoeflation” is a term that originated on 4chan. While the name is crude, the concept effectively describes the situation young men face today. It suggests that modern men must work 20 times harder than their grandfathers did for women who are 20 times worse than their grandmothers. The exact math is debatable, but the core sentiment holds.

Modern women generally lack the skills that men traditionally seek in a wife. They cannot cook or clean, do not know how to be supportive or feminine, and do not understand what it means to be a wife or a lady. While there are exceptions, those women are almost exclusively found in traditional religious communities, making them inaccessible to most young men.

The available dating pool is bleak. The average American woman today is 5’3” and weighs 170 lbs. Thanks to a decade or more of body positivity, this is not seen as a problem but rather an element of identity that men are expected to accept. If a man does not wish to, he is told he "cannot handle" a real woman.

This inflated sense of self-worth is further magnified by the rise in educational attainment. Women now earn college degrees at nearly twice the rate of men. While many of these degrees are in fields with little real-world utility, the socioeconomic impact is undeniable. Generally speaking, women date "over and up"—seeking men who match or surpass their social and economic standing. With more women earning degrees, an artificially elevated social status leads them to dismiss the majority of men who would traditionally be in their dating pool.

The Sexual Revolution and Its Consequences

In addition to socioeconomic changes, the sexual revolution has led to a dramatic increase in female promiscuity. In 1950, women reported an average of 0-1 sexual partners before marriage. By 2010, that number had risen to 6-10. While part of this increase can be attributed to later marriage ages, it would be naive to ignore the role of increased promiscuity fueled by the cultural shift toward casual sex.

To recap: If you are a young American man looking for a wife in 2025, you are faced with a dating pool consisting largely of overweight, sexually promiscuous women with an inflated sense of value and little understanding of how to be a wife. This is not shocking to anyone under the age of 40, but for my older readers, I felt it was necessary to outline the situation. And this bleak reality does not even account for rising rates of mental health issues, drug use, the effects of chemical birth control, and student loan debt that many modern women bring into relationships.

Why LLMs Are a Viable Alternative

It may seem like I am singling out women—and I am—but that does not mean young men do not have problems. They do. However, their struggles are a topic for another day. For now, I need to establish why talking to a computer might seem like a reasonable alternative to dating a real-life woman. When the dating pool is this bleak and the risks of family court make marriage a financial gamble—where women win 90% of custody cases and men risk losing half their income to child support—opting for an LLM starts to make sense.

Women are on the verge of experiencing what men went through decades ago. Modern society stripped men of their traditional roles as providers and protectors. Women no longer need men for physical safety or economic security—the state provides protection, and divorce laws allow women to leave their husbands, take the children, and still receive financial support. While some women left abusive marriages, believing that was the primary reason for divorce is naive. The majority of divorces today are filed for reasons of "happiness" or convenience.

The Impending Crisis

Men have already been rendered optional. Their only true value in relationships is now emotional and physical companionship. But with the rise of pornography and conversational LLMs, women are poised to suffer the same fate. Since men are generally less social and require less human interaction than women, they may ultimately decide that women are no longer necessary.

I have long written about the futility of resisting technological progress, and I do not believe there is any way to stop what is coming. We are headed for a population collapse, similar to what is already happening in South Korea and Japan. If any good comes from this, it will be far in the future. For now, history shows that societies with a surplus of unmarried middle-aged women or young men with no stake in the future tend to experience turbulent times.

The "spinster class" will direct their maternal instincts toward whatever fills them with a sense of duty—be it pets, social causes, or misguided activism. We are already seeing this with the rise of "fur babies" and misplaced nurturing of criminals and “migrants”.

As for young men, time will tell whether they can truly be placated by porn and digital girlfriends. If they can, they will slowly rot into useless genetic dead ends. If not, they will lash out in violent ways not seen in generations.

I wish I had a solution, but right now, I do not. However, I will keep searching—because as a father of two young boys, this problem is deeply personal, and the need to find an answer grows with my children.

-TJS